Margaret Tucker

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Did you know that how your caregivers responded to your needs as an infant directly influence how you are in relationships in your adult life? This is what's called attachment. We are all born with a wonderful blueprint of secure attachment which means that we largely agree with the following statements: I'm comfortable being emotionally close to others, I'm alright with depending on others and having others depend on me. I'm fine with someone and I'm fine without someone.

But a lot of our parents didn’t have secure attachment themselves, so it’s not surprising that we might just have their insecure attachment patterns. Then our secure attachment can get buried under other patterns that are confusing: come here / get away, leave me alone, wow it’s great to be with you / but now it isn’t. The good news is that the secure pattern is still there and it just takes some work to re-energize or reboot it. Once re-energized, relationships of all kinds improve and even your relationship with yourself. If you would like to know what kind of attachment styles you have, go to and take the attachment quiz.